Ectopic Pregnancy (Dec 2012-Jan 2013)- The Storm

Imagine driving down the highway through a blizzard and not being able to see 10 ft in front of you. Now picture you are driving through this blizzard in a car packed full of your limited moving items squished in like a sardine. Now imagine that you, your spouse, or another traveling companion has a health condition that requires them to find some way to be reclined with their feet up as much as possible. This was the situation we found ourselves in when we started our trek from Utah to Savannah, Georgia in December 2012.

We were on our way to Georgia so my husband, David, could start graduate school at the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD). I had also just found out that the fertility treatments we had done worked and that I was pregnant. Although it was confirmed through blood tests that I was pregnant, something wasn't quite right. I had been bleeding, was on progesterone, and was told to recline and keep my feet up as much as possible. I was quite worried about my condition and very anxious about having to ride in a car for numerous hours over multiple days.

Our trip had already been delayed because of the weather, but the snow fall had slowed enough that we felt comfortable starting the drive. The snow hadn't been too bad and the roads had been fairly clear until we got down farther into southeast Utah. Luckily my cousin, Nikki, felt comfortable driving in the snow and was safely guiding us through that crazy, scary blizzard. After driving around 15 miles an hour for an hour or two, the storm finally subsided but by this time it was already getting late. Since we were all starting to get tired we decided to stop for the night just outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico. 

I don't know where all the modest, clean cheap hotels were. I really don't remember seeing any nice budget friendly places like Days Inn or Super 8 in the area.  Seeing that we were on a tight budget, we didn't want to pay an outlandish amount of money to stay in a place for just a few hours. The sketchiness of the area we were in should have been an indicator that the hotels might not be that great either. We found a place that was very reasonably priced which we were excited about, until we saw the condition of what we were staying in for the night. 

I was shocked when I saw the state of the room. It didn't look very clean and there were holes in the bathroom wall. (Oh boy was it fun having to use those progesterone suppositories while in this nasty place. I'm glad I didn't catch any diseases that night.) As uncomfortable as it was to be in that room, we were all so worn out from the drive that we were too tired to leave and find another hotel. Thank goodness the exhaustion overpowered my disgust for the room's condition. I fell asleep without much of a problem. 

The next day's drive seemed much more promising knowing we would be driving through parts of the country where it doesn't usually snow. It was also exciting to know that we would be making it to my sister's house in Mansfield, Texas and would be staying there for a few days. The ride was pretty uneventful until we got into Texas. Nikki had quite the lead foot that day. I think she was going over 100 mph when all of the sudden she starts panicking after passing a police officer. She quickly lowers her speed and asks what she should do. Surprised that we hadn't heard or seen and sirens behind us, we wondered if we somehow scraped by unnoticed. I suggested that we pull off the highway. I really needed to use the bathroom and maybe if the cop was far enough behind us he wouldn't realize we exited and would just keep driving. 

Thinking we somehow managed to get out of getting pulled over, we started looking for a place with a restroom. Unfortunately the exit we got off on had limited services and we were having a hard time locating something. As we turned down a quiet road, we suddenly heard sirens and saw the flashing lights of a police car. "Trying to run away from a cop are we?" came the response from the officer as Nikki rolled down her window. She started explaining that we were trying to find a restroom. I totally pulled the "I'm Pregnant" card and said that I really needed to pee. Either he didn't buy it or he really just didn't care, because he slapped Nikki with a hefty ticket. We may not have thought it very funny at the time, but we now get a pretty good chuckle out of that story.

Sister's House in Texas 

We were so excited to reach my sister's house that night. I am grateful that David and Nikki had my sister's family to hang out with because I spent the whole time either in bed or on their futon. While we were there I talked to my sister a lot about my condition and the concerns I had about the bleeding that I was still experiencing. I also told her that I had been noticing a bit of cramping happening on my left side. She told me that the baby had probably implanted on that side (she said her babies implanted on that side when she was pregnant) and that a bit of cramping isn't unusual. I also said that I did seem to be a bit constipated. So I thought that those two things were the reasons why I was feeling that discomfort. I even started calling them poop cramps. 

One of the nights we were there the cramps seemed to be particularly painful and uncomfortable. Since I really didn't feel good, I went upstairs and just lay crying there in a state of worry and discomfort. Looking back on it now I wonder what in the heck was I thinking? Why on earth did I not go to the emergency room or something?! The pain should have been a huge red flag. (*Side Note: Pregnant ladies-If you are feeling any cramping at all, especially if you are bleeding, go to the doctor right away! Better to be safe than sorry!)  I guarantee I prayed a lot that night and the Lord definitely helped me through it. One thing that is interesting is that I don't remember really having cramps other than during the time we were at my sister's house. I now know, as you will find out why later in the story, just how much the Lord is aware of us, watches out for us, and answers our prayers.  

After a fun few days, for my family members at least, it was time for us to continue on our way to Savannah. We left the morning of New Year's Day. We were sad to leave but were also anxious to get to our next stop, my Aunt Sara's house in Monroe, Georgia. We had only been driving for less than two hours when the car started acting strange. It started to decelerate even though David was pushing the gas pedal. It also started to smell a bit funny. We pulled over and David pulled open the hood to look at the engine. Nikki was currently an employee at Jiffy Lube and was a little familiar with cars. She and David had some ideas of what the problem could be but we realized that we may need to take it to a shop to get it looked at. We were blessed to have stopped not far from an exit. I prayed that we would be able to make it to a town with the appropriate services we needed as we started the car and slowly started driving towards the exit. 

Hotel Where We Stayed in Tyler, Texas 

Our prayers were answered and we were able to make it to a small town called Tyler, Texas. Reality struck when we remembered that it was New Year's day and most places would be closed for the holiday. We also wondered what to do if the repairs would need multiple days to fix. Our family in Monroe was expecting us and Nikki had a flight to catch in Savannah in a few days. So we couldn't afford to sit around and wait for our car to be repaired. After weighing our options, we decided to rent a U Haul truck and tow the car the rest of the way to Savannah. We would, however, have to stay the night in Tyler since the U Haul place was closed for the holiday. 

I was so frustrated, grumpy, and annoyed that we were stuck in this small town. Why couldn't we have broken down closer to Dallas where we could have stayed with family while our car was being fixed? Nikki on the other hand was such a good sport and a great example of being patient. She totally went with the flow and wasn't upset about being stranded (or if she was she didn't show it). She said it was all part of the adventure. She was so patient with the emotional, grumpy monster that I was and tried to keep all of our spirit's up. What a blessing she was to us on that trip. I will forever be grateful to her for helping me through one of the most difficult journey's I have ever experienced in my life. 

So there we were, stranded in the middle of nowhere over 900 miles away from our final destination of Savannah, Georgia. In spite of all that had already happened, the craziness had only just begun. 

Infertility (Nov-Dec 2012)-Wait, We're Pregnant?

I didn't have time to sit around for long feeling sad about the first round of Femara not working because the Dr. scheduled my next round of medicine to start the day after my negative ultrasound. I don't think I had any side effects as I took the maximum dosage. If I did they must not have been that bad seeing that I don't remember having any. We had an ultrasound scheduled about a week later, when we completed the round of medicine to see if it was successful.

It is ironic how the timing of things in our lives works. The day after we started this second round of medicine David received an email saying that he had been accepted to the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD) in Savannah, Georgia. Shortly after he was offered a scholarship to the school. We now had to decide if it was the right thing to accept the offer and move across the country. Even though I was still working, the Christmas season had started, and we had this big decision to make, I was all wrapped up in wondering if this round would be successful.

After what probably felt like an eternity, the day of the ultrasound finally came.  David must have been working that day because I went to the appointment alone. I was nervous and anxious as I sat in the waiting room and when I was called back and got ready for the ultrasound to be performed. My nervousness was soon turned to excitement as the ultrasound tech told me that the medicine was successful. Not only was it successful but the medicine had stimulated 3 follicles that could possibly be fertilized! She excitedly showed me on the screen where these were. The thought of possibly having multiples definitely entered my mind! Oh the joy and hope that filled my heart.  The thought and feeling that, "This could be it" came over me.

I was then given instructions on how to proceed. I was told to give myself a shot of a medicine called HCG. This medicine would help force my body to ovulate. I was also given specific instructions on the time frame in which my hubs and I should try and make a baby. I was then instructed to start using progesterone suppositories (oh what fun those were) afterwards to help with implantation. I was also told to go in and get a blood test taken around two weeks later to check my HCG levels. This is the hormone that detects whether or not you are pregnant.

I was so overcome with positive emotion when I left there that day. I probably cried tears of joy on the way home this time. I excitedly told David the good news and we got to work following the instructions I was given.  I was nervous for the HCG shot because I had always been afraid of needles and didn't really want to have to give myself a shot. David was so thoughtful and was willing to give me the shot. He did such a great job. I hardly even felt it!!

After all the tasks were competed all that was left for us to do was wait.  I remember praying that if it was the right thing for us to get pregnant, that if it was the Lord's will, then please bless that it would happen. I started feeling like it was going to happen and before long I started experiencing one sign of pregnancy, sore and tender breasts. I thought that if I were this sore then I must have pregnant. *Side note: I have realized how naive I was. Remember, they gave me progesterone to help with implantation? I was still using it and one side effect of this medicine is breast tenderness! The progesterone was totally affecting this! As the days went by I continued to get more sore and just felt in my heart that I was pregnant.

The day of the HCG test arrived.  This day, Friday December 21st, will always be one that I remember. I had the blood test done around 11 that morning and was told that they would call me in a little while with the results. Later in the day when I went to the bathroom I noticed that I was lightly spotting. "Oh no, my period is starting. I guess I'm not pregnant," I thought.  A roller coaster of thoughts and emotions started.  I really thought I was pregnant. If my chest was this sore I must have been.  Then I thought that maybe they had been sore because my period was about to start. I was so disappointed and bummed. I told David that it looked like my period was starting and we prepared ourselves for the doctor to tell us we weren't pregnant.

I will forever remember the moment when we got the call with the test results. We were in the car driving to my grandpa's house.  When my phone rang I braced myself for disappointing news.  The doctor proceeded to tell us that my blood test results indicated that I was indeed pregnant. She did say that the HCG levels were low and that they would need to take another blood test the following week to see if the HCG levels were rising. I told the doctor that I had started spotting that afternoon. She advised me that I should continue taking the progesterone and to rest as much as possible with my feet up. Since the following Monday was Christmas Eve and their office would be closed I instructed to come back in the day after Christmas for the blood test. After receiving the doctor's instructions I thanked her and hung up the phone.

Once again a wave of emotions hit me. It is hard to describe the conflicting feelings I had. I was surprised at what I had just been told, but in a way I wasn't really that shocked. I had felt deep inside that I was pregnant. I was excited but not as excited and happy as I should have been. I don't think I fully comprehended it at the time but I think deep down I knew that something wasn't right. If I was pregnant, then why had I started bleeding? Pushing those feelings aside I started thinking. Wow, things are starting to move forward for us and seem to be working out so nicely. David got accepted to school, we are moving, and now we are pregnant! My sister was right, there were big things in store for us. Our next big adventure was finally starting to begin. Yes, an adventure was beginning but little did I know then that the journey would turn out completely different than I expected.  Once again, the Lord's had a different plan in mind. 

I followed the doctor's instructions and spend most of the next few days with my feet up. I wanted to tell my mom that I was pregnant. I remember taking a pregnancy test, putting it in a gift box, and having my mom open it.  I told her that I was indeed pregnant but that I was bleeding and was told to keep my feet up. She reminded me that one of my sisters, Suzi, had bled while being pregnant and that I should talk to her. I decided I would and then lay back down.  The revealing of this big news didn't go as well as I had planned.  Not knowing why I was bleeding was leaving me feeling anxious and worried. Talking to my sister helped calm my nerves a little. She told me that one of her friends bled a lot during her pregnancy and she ended up having twins. I remember her telling me that I could be having twins. The thought had definitely crossed my mind. I felt that she very well could be right.  Once again, I was immensely grateful to be blessed to have a sister who could lend me comfort and advice in my time of need. 

The next few days were crazy and really a bit of a blur. I remember laying on a futon in my parent's living room while David worked hard getting us ready to move. We had already packed up and stored the things we weren't taking with us to Georgia. Since we would be having family celebrations for the holidays, we decided to just stay at my parents house until the day we planned to leave, which was the day after Christmas. Since I had only told my mom and one of my sisters that I was pregnant, it was a bit awkward having to lie around with my feet up without everyone knowing why.  I didn't want to announce that I was pregnant until I had reached a more secure date in the pregnancy. 

Before we knew it, the day after Christmas, the day of my next blood test, and the day we would begin our trek over to Georgia came. I went to the clinic early that morning for the test. I remember telling the lady who took my blood that I had started bleeding. She told me that lots of woman bleed during their pregnancies and that I shouldn't worry. That helped calm my fears a little more.  I think the doctor's office wanted me to schedule another blood test but I told them that we were moving that day.  The doctor gave me an order request form for another HCG blood test which she said I should have done within the next few days and have the results sent to them.  I was also instructed to keep using the progesterone suppositories.  I was worried that I might not have enough to make it until we had a new address where I could have some shipped to me from the pharmacy company. The doctor was nice enough to give me some extra boxes just in case.  

The ladies at the clinic were quite surprised to hear that we were moving that day.  While I had been in the clinic it had started snowing a lot! They wished me luck with everything and I was on my way. 

I was nervous as I drove back to my parents house. The snow sure was coming down.  In fact, it snow so much that we had to delay leaving for several hours. My cousin, Nikki, who was helping us drive across the country, and I started to get antsy as we waited for the storm to let up so we could leave. David was frantically trying to pack up and load the car. At last, we were loaded and the roads cleared up enough that we felt comfortable enough to leave. 

Little did I know that as we set off down that cold, white, snowy Utah highway that we were headed straight into a blizzard. Both a literal blizzard, and a whirlwind of mental, emotional, and physical turmoil.